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People always ask “Are you ok” after you lose someone close to you, you want to tell them yes and most of the time you will just to be polite. I do it all the time, I’m a suck it up and move forward kind of girl. I am the fixer, the protector, the strong one who will stand up when others can’t. But to be honest….I’m not ok. I am heartbroken. I just lost one of my best friends, my partner in crime, my brother. I’ve known Paul “Rawkdog” Ericson for over half of my life. It’s currently 2am, I am in bed, and I just can’t sleep. So instead, I casually snuck out of bed, grabbed a drink and decided to write whatever you want to call it for the people who loved him, and yes selfishly to help myself start the grieving process.
So here it goes, let me tell you about my brother Paul, the man, the myth, the legend. It all started in the Spring; hell, it could have been Summer of 1996. That’s a long ass time ago and well I’m getting old too. We clicked right away Paul was the Music Director and Jana “Stevie Rae” was the Program Director. We had a morning show duo named Dennis & Bob and they needed an intern…..boom that’s where I come in fresh from the WQUB the radio station from Quincy University. I discovered quickly that Paul and I would become friends. We share the same very unique since of humor and extreme passion for music. During one of our talks, I discovered that his mom Luella worked with my mom, and I ate lunch with her a few days a week during college. It’s like we had a connection from the start. I’ll fast forward through some of this because honestly, I don’t intend this to be a novel but let’s just say our friendship took hold. The station at the time was owned by Taylor Broadcasting and we thought we were hot shit because our station vehicle was a Dodge Viper. He took me under his wing and taught me the basics of running the board and conducting a live on-air shift. Our conversations always came easy and always ended up with the two of us belly laughing, lord how I will miss that. During one of our live broadcasts from The Abbey I remember we were goofing off, and we accidentally were singing “Chaka Kahn” over the mics not knowing it was over the air. When we got the first bag cellphone to use from the station Jeep, we lost our minds…until we learned it was like $6 a minute and we called everyone we knew to tell them we were talking from the Jeep. Awe, how technology has changed. We just kept building our friendship from there with on-air and off-air shenanigans and I had no idea how much we would grow that bond.
One of the hardest decisions I had to make was when I was graduating from QU, I decided to move to Springfield and do radio there and be with my then fiancé. Paul was upset but being the kindhearted man he was, told me Congratulations and wished me well. I didn’t know at the time how much my move affected him, and I wish he had told me.
During the time I was in Springfield, Paul had a huge medical emergency. He was taking a stress test at Barnes Hospital when he blacked out, they rushed him to the ER and found out that not only did he have to get heart surgery, but he had Kidney cancer as well. Paul was tough and with a huge hand-up from Mike and Leanne Moyers, he made it past it. He got heart surgery and one kidney removed and was cancer free. Sorry got lost in thoughts for a moment, fast forward let’s say a decade and a half. I returned from Springfield mentally battered and bruised and was desperately longing to figure out who I was again. The stars aligned and I got the opportunity to be back at the station in 2015, huge shout out to Mike Moyers for that one. Mike and I decided not to let Paul know that I was officially coming back until I would walk through the door. That moment was stamped in my memory and heart. Paul was genuinely so happy to see me that he cried. I had no idea how much I had missed him and just sitting in the studio bullshitting. You know the saying; there is no place like home…that’s how it felt. We fell into a rhythm on the airwaves and somehow, we came up with the concept of the Original Grizzlies. We would be authentically us during the lunch hour and hopefully entertain people. It’s very unusual for a non-talk station to have a duo in the afternoon, almost nonexistent in the Rock genre but here we were doing it and getting positive response from the audience.
You see the key to our banter on-air was because we genuinely loved each other like siblings. We would not only do station functions, but he’d come to our family events because he was family. One of my favorite stories was when we were having a cookout with family and a few friends and Paul almost blinded me. Let me tell you how much the Rawkdog loves hot dogs and homemade lemonade. He loved them so much that when his pants got caught on his chair is pulled his pants down…and true Paul fashion he wouldn’t put down the hot dog or lemonade and stood there in him boxers until Rocky had to tell him to pull up his damn pants. So many stories flooding into my mind, like when we both were contact high as hell in Columbus Ohio from a set from Rob Zombie that I accidentally stole some fruit loops from the hotel and he held my escape elevator. Or when we were headed to a parade and he pulled the jeep into the carwash and forgot to roll up the window on my side, and I got blasted in the side of the head. We ended up only doing half the parade route, it got slow, we got bored and took a left instead of a right. Oh god, I just remembered all those videos I made him do because he lost a bet to me. His ready of “Dees Nutz” was legendary, and the OG files were next level campy humor. I could always get him to play along and I loved it.
Let me tell you how much we loved watching live music together. There is just something about hearing the live music that surges through you that we both lived for. We traveled to so many shows together from Rock on the Range in Columbus, to Louder Than Life in Louisville, Champaign to where he took me to my first Foo Fighters show and countless ones in St. Louis. Paul always said he loved the smell of hot wires from the stage lighting, strange but totally on brand for him. Paul loved it when we got to interview artists and meet them backstage at events. I will remember every time I hear one of those songs we shared.
I’m getting off track and lost in so many thoughts I think I should wrap this up. I also got busted for being in the kitchen at 2:45 in the morning by the very concerned husband.
So, in closing how would I describe Paul “Rawkdog” Ericson. Wow, he was such a true and loyal friend, my brother. Paul was a gentle and kind soul who found his passion for music through radio broadcasting. Paul always had my back in any situation, and I had his. I remember once we were in a dicey situation and thought we would have to defend ourselves and I told him to strip naked because no one would fight a naked guy, and I’d handle myself. My thought was he would be safe, and I could focus on the danger. That was just it, we were Yin and Yang, we just worked without any constrictions. It was natural. I had to write his obituary earlier today and it really hit home that he won’t be in the studio waiting for me. I won’t be bitching about the smell of Lysol he hosed the booth with anymore. I wouldn’t be able to give him a hard time about his sucky football pics or his love for 6-minute guitar solos. We wouldn’t be planning an adventure or show again…. that breaks my heart.
There is so much that I want to say about him that I’m conflicted on whether I want to share it all or not. Part of me wants to be selfish and hold it just for me, for me to just hold those moments close in my heart. I may do that, or I may write up a follow up called “My Adventures with Rawkdog”.
I want everyone who takes the time to read this to know a few things, and you can bet the house on these. Paul loved music, he loved the listeners, he loved station, he loved every single interaction he had with any of you who he crossed. I was fortunate enough to be able to tell him that I loved him before he left us so suddenly. I keep being told by his friends how much he loved me and our friendship, and it drops me every time. I am so thankful that we found each other in this life, and I have lost a piece of my heart, part of who I am is because he helped me get back to where I was happy, back home at the Grizz. I will continue with the brand we built together as best I can and every time I crack open the mic, he will be with me. I know that in my heart and I know that the landscape of radio in the Tri-States will never be the same without his voice, his laughter and his heart.
I’m off to try to sleep now. Thanks for reading this, I truly do appreciate every single one of you and so did my brother Paul.
